Sunday, January 9, 2011

So, Josh called at 2:00 this morning and did all the usual stupid stuff he does. Saying he slept with some girl, and slept with Hailey and then started saying that he loved only me and was in lust with Hailey and would break it off with Hailey if I could accept him for who he is. After the day I had yesterday, he said everything I wanted to hear. And he kept saying that he loved me and always would and that he wanted his family back. How can he do this? How? How can he have treated me like he did and then want me to come back to him? He admits he is saying things to hurt me and then he says he doesn't' want to hurt me. He says Hailey means nothing and then he says she wants to get married. I am so disgusted with H I could do some serious damage. She will never know the damage she caused and she doesn't care. I feel bad because I know that Josh will ruin her if they do get together, which they already are, but then I'm glad she will get what she deserves and then I wonder what if she really is so wonderful and what if he really is in love with her. I hate these feelings. I hate that she came into the middle of this. Our divorce would have been so much simpler and less painful if I wasn't wondering about them and knowing that she was nice to him so he chose her and I''m the awful one who couldn't support him.